The quiet, human way I learned to speak up without becoming someone else
Let me say this first. I didn’t hate negotiations because I was bad at them. I hated them because I didn’t trust myself in them.
Every time a negotiation came up, something inside me tightened. My shoulders. My chest. Even my voice. I would prepare answers, but the moment I sat in front of the other person, my brain would quietly say, “Don’t push it.” “Don’t sound greedy.” “Just accept and move on.”
So I did.
And later, when I was alone, I replayed the conversation in my head and thought, “Why didn’t I say that?” “Why did I agree so fast?”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not weak. You’re human.
Confidence in negotiations isn’t about being bold. It’s about being steady. And steadiness takes time.
I used to believe confident negotiators were fearless people. They’re not. They just don’t panic when discomfort shows up. I panicked. Not outwardly. Inside.
Silence scared me. Pushback scared me. Even my own needs scared me.
Then I realised something uncomfortable. Before anyone rejected my ask, I rejected it myself.
I would decide my request was “too much” before opening my mouth. That meant my words already carried apology. Once I noticed this, I tried something small. Before any negotiation, I stopped correcting myself mentally.
I let myself want what I wanted. Not demand it. Just want it. That alone changed how my voice sounded.
Another thing I misunderstood for a long time was confidence itself. I thought it meant talking more. Explaining more. Convincing more. But talking more was just hiding my insecurity.
I rushed. I over-explained. I justified everything.
The first time I stated my ask and then stopped talking, my heart was pounding. The silence felt loud. But nothing bad happened. In fact, the other person leaned in more.
That moment taught me something important. Silence isn’t awkward. It’s powerful. It gives your words space to land.
Preparation also changed things for me, but not in the usual way. I didn’t prepare speeches. I prepared clarity.
I asked myself simple questions. What do I actually want? What am I okay adjusting? What am I not okay with?
Once I answered those honestly, my body relaxed. I wasn’t guessing anymore. Confidence didn’t come from courage. It came from knowing where I stood.
One of the hardest lessons was separating “no” from “me”. Earlier, a no felt personal. Like a judgment on my worth. So I avoided strong asks to avoid that feeling.
Over time, I learned this truth. Negotiation is about terms, not value. Someone can respect you and still say no. Someone can disagree and still see your worth.
Once I accepted that, I stopped shrinking.
I also practiced in private. Just saying sentences out loud. “I’d like better terms.” “I need more time.” “This doesn’t work for me.”
At first, my voice sounded unfamiliar. But repetition does something strange and good. Words stop feeling dangerous once your body hears them enough times.
Another shift was realising negotiation isn’t a fight. Earlier, I entered conversations bracing for impact. Defensive. Alert. That drained me.
When I reframed negotiation as two people trying to make something work, my confidence grew naturally. I wasn’t attacking. I was discussing.
I didn’t start with big negotiations either. I practiced on small things. Deadlines. Workload. Boundaries. Each small conversation trained my nervous system.
Confidence didn’t arrive suddenly. It crept in quietly.
And here’s the truth nobody really says. Even now, I feel nervous before important negotiations. That nervousness didn’t disappear. My relationship with it changed.
I stopped waiting to feel confident. I spoke anyway. Confidence followed later.
The biggest shift of all was this. I stopped seeing negotiation as asking for more. I started seeing it as respecting myself.
My time. My energy. My contribution.
When you speak from self-respect, you don’t need to be loud. Your words carry weight on their own.
If you’re struggling with negotiation confidence, don’t try to become aggressive. Don’t copy confident people. Just stop negotiating against yourself.
Pause instead of rushing. Prepare your clarity, not your speech. Allow silence. Practice small asks. Forgive yourself when it’s imperfect.
Confidence isn’t a personality. It’s a habit. Built slowly. Built honestly.
If this felt real to you, you’ll find more grounded, human reflections like this on my blog — about confidence, money, work, and self-growth. No pressure. No noise.
Confidence isn’t about being fearless. It’s about staying with yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.
